A little boy stops in front of a church with his bike and he sees the priest come out. The priest says “Come inside, I want to show you something”. The little boy says to the priest, “But somebody will steal my bike”. The priest says to him “Don’t worry, the Holy Spirit will watch it”.

So the little boy goes inside and the priest says, “Let me show you how to do the sign of the cross. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen. Now you try it”. So the boy says, “In the name of the Father and the Son, Amen”. The priest says, “What happened to the Holy Spirit?” The boy replied “He’s outside, watching my bike”.

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Once upon a time there was a pastor. He was driving down the road and his car broke down. He got out and started walking. Soon, he came to a farm. He asked the farmer if he could borrow a horse. The farmer agreed, but warned: “Sir, this is no ordinary horse. You have to say “praise the Lord” to make it go, and “Amen” to make it stop”. The pastor said “Oh, that’s easy, I’m a pastor. So he jumped on the horse and said “Praise the Lord!” and the horse took off down the road. About an hour down the road (close to his destination), a rattlesnake came out in front of the horse, and the horse, rather startled turned and ran off the road, through the woods, straight for a cliff. The pastor forgot what to say, so he said a prayer, and at the end of the prayer, of course, he said “Amen”. Screech!! The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff! The pastor looked down and sees all of the thousands of feet down that he had almost plundered… and to give thanks to God, he yelled out “Praise the Lord!”

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Three older ladies were discussing getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.”

The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”

The third one responded, ” Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem; knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them “That must be the door, I’ll get it!”